somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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