I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
