so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
