alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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