Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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