i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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