i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
