This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
