I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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