all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
