took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
