So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
