Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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