She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
