It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
