Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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