Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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