I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
