There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
