so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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