Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
