Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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