i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
