i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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