note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
