There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
