my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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