phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
