would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
