we have officially lost it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
