so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
