I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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