i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
