Dual....:-)
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
