You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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