why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
