Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
