Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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