we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sarcasm needs its own font
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize