I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
