My underwear smells like fireworks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
