That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
