Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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