We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
