Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
