Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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