I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
