I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
