Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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