My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk is not a location!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
