i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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