He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the raccoons are back...
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