Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
