Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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