Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
