Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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