she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
