it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
