Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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