So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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