Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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