Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
