2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
