How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
