So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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